Not for the faint of heart

"My Mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." Mark Twain

Malachi and I had an adventure at Albertson's yesterday. One that I hope that I never ever experience again.

I had Scout in the car seat up front, and Malachi sitting in the cart with the groceries. As we walked down the meat and cheese isle Malachi hollered "Mom, poop-ed"

"Uh-huh." I answered as I scanned the sale items, not really giving his announcement much credit. We shopped for another half hour or so before we finally got to the checkout stand. I breathed a sigh of relief...on the home stretch.

"Malachi, I said to sit down."

"Okay Mom." I reached in to the basket to start putting my grocerys on the belt when I saw to my horror what apeared to be half of my new bottle of French's Brown Spicy Mustard on top of the mayanaise.Or...I breathed a silent prayer and lifted up the back of Kai's shirt. Poop should never be that color or consistancy no matter what your age. His poop-splosion had reached the top of his neck all the way to his ankles. Have you ever seen Slum Dog Millionaire? If you have, you know.

I froze for a minute, what the heck do you do at this point I wondered. I've yet to read a book that covers this particular subject. "Okay," I told myself, "This is the situation I'm in; so I'm going to have to function and deal with it". With that little vote of confidence, I parked my cart and exited the building. (No, I did not permentatly leave my poop covered mayonnaise for some poor unsuspecting soul - although I admit, I considered it.)

No, we went to the car and I began to wipe Malachi down with baby wipes. It was very similar to cleaning out the toilet with a cue-tip. I had to lay him in the open trunk while Scout hollared at us from the back seat. I avoided all eye contact with passers by as I "scooped" the extremely fragrant yellow mess off of him. I'm sure it wofted accross the entire parking lot.

We then bravely returned to our cart, which by then had stunk up the entire icecream isle. I smiled innocently at a girl a few feet away, "No, I don't smell anything" and began whiping down my groceries with baby wipes.

That is pretty much the end of my exciting poop-experience except to mention that when we checked out Malachi's skin was still stained yellow and we still had a nauseating ora of stench around us. People were staring to the point where I was afraid I might have some how ended up with poop on my face.

Yes this experience made for a good laugh, but as I said before, not one I'm interested in having again. Ever.